Whence we last left off, I was waiting on a letter from my long time therapist back in Utah. When that letter came in, I was then informed we needed more current documentation of my ability to go out and do good work(s), so I met with a counselor for LDS Family Services. He completed the necessary paper work and my papers were submitted on April 3rd!
Oh but here it is May 20th, one month and 17 days later and, alas alack, no call yet. Concerned, my stake president called church headquarters near the beginning of this month only to learn that they were still "processing" my papers. Insider knowledge from various well-connected Utahns (as Eliza said, "They know everything about this stuff!") lists the various reasons for my delayed assignment as being:
1. Salt Lake is opening up a new mission and needs to post-pone assignments until enough elders and sisters are called to said new mission so an adequately sized group enters the MTC together.
2. I'm getting sent somewhere that is difficult to get a visa to.
3. Got lost in the mail.
4. Got lost in Salt Lake.
5. The people assigning my call don't have a good spiritual vibe on where to send me yet.
HM. I'm actually doing much better than I anticipated. I've sort of stopped worrying about it constantly? Which is how, somehow, nearly two months has passed by! Wow! Crazy!
One reason that it's been easy to kind of stop worrying and let things take their course is because of something I've been thinking about a lot lately: the whys and the hows of faith and the gospel of Jesus Christ. President Uchtdorf (one of the assistants to the Prophet!) talks about it in this video below:
(This is an amazing talk, so if you've got some time check it out.)
Someone at Stake Conference today (which is like a big gathering of all of the local meeting houses in a given area, come together to get updated on information concerning the Church within that geographic area and to share spiritual messages) talked about the whys and hows of faith and the gospel today too. It's really struck a chord in me.
I've been able to focus on making each day count, being happy, and being a blessing to myself and others in these past few weeks by unhooking my mind from the constant concern of HOW I'm going to live out my faith. In exchange, I've been able to focus on WHY my faith matters. Instead of getting upset because I'm not putting on a name tag and a suit and going to bed at 10 PM, I've been able to center myself in growing an understanding of what, exactly, my faith brings to me. The How of the gospel is how we worship, how we live our days, how we dedicate ourselves to God - the technical stuff that this blog has mostly been about. The Why is much, much more important. I've been able to think about where my faith in God and Jesus Christ has brought me over the past years. Why I am recovering from severe depression: medication, loving environs (thanks Nate, Alicia, and kitties!), and, biggest of all, a continual understanding of who I am and how I am loved by my Heavenly Father and His Son. Why I live my life in accordance to the commandments of God: because these commandments bring me peace, stability, and a healthy sense of self; because I have not lived these commandments before and felt only pain and confusion; because these work for me. Why I believe in this gospel: because I have felt in my heart a confirmation of its truth; because, to me, it is confusingly incontrovertible; because it brings me joy and peace and growth. Why I am dedicating two years of my life to telling people about this gospel: because it has brought me joy and because it can bring joy to others; because it is a part of me that I am proud to share. Why I am ok with waiting two months for my call: because I know that it will come; because I know that God is taking care of me; because there are opportunities in all situations for growth and for beautiful blessings, even in times of waiting (scratch that - ESPECIALLY in times of waiting).
And so I'm tided over. I can concentrate on working hard, saving money, reading books, petting cats, and enjoying myself and my life. I'll let you all know when the news comes. Thank you all for your support and interest. You're all a big, fat blessing to me and help me in ways you can't even understand.
P.S.: here's a picture me getting ready for church today