On Patience and Not Having Any

So! Here we are a few days after my super successful meeting with my bishop; you know, the one where he said, "You're going to serve a mission!" and I laughed really loudly with glee. The normal order of things is that I would have begun my papers immediately following that interview. The problem is that the papers are all done through an online system. So the bishop and I went into the little office with the computer in it that sits next to his office in the chapel. And I was actually kind of bouncing on my chair in excitement because, hey! Here we go! We're starting the papers! And he gets to the log in page for the online missionary recommendation site and says, "Uh oh". And then tries for ten minutes to remember his password and username. To no avail. So, we've got a slight delay. It's been two days or so and he's still having trouble logging in (that or he's just super busy and doesn't have time to get around to it, which is understandable seeing as how he's a lawyer for AT&T).

I have been sitting at home, typing my information into the website log in a few times every hour just hoping, on the off-chance that he's done it without telling me. I've been waiting very impatiently. I feel like God is teasing me. It's really funny to me that after everything, the one thing that stands between me and the papes is a forgotten password. Ohhhhh bishop.

This brings me to think about patience and peace. Can I have peace and assurance if I am really, really impatient? Because I am really impatient. I keep having these moments where I kind of half yell "Bishop!!!!" to myself. Like Shatner yelling, "Khannnn!!!" I've been super pushy about getting my papers in for like half a year now and, well, maybe the reason it's taken so long (or part of the reason) is because God is telling me to slowwwwww dowwwwnnnn and just take my time and get things in order. Because in the mean time He's doing things for me anyway. Like getting me two awesome jobs. In the course of the past two days. While I was sweating over this taking a tiny bit of time I was blessed to get hired into a company that helps people on government assistance get secure, well-maintained housing. I also got hired at a great mom and pop bookstore. I feel like the angels are like "Hush" to me banging my fists against the table.

Patience. What is it? What does it meannnnn? Shouldn't being faithful automatically endow you with patience? Isn't one of the lines in the scripture about being "long suffering"? I know the end goal of all of this: I will serve a mission. I will be able to go out into the world and teach about the love of Christ and blessings that the Lord showers us with daily. How can I do that well if I can't see or properly appreciate the blessings as they come?

I've been quite rankled by this waiting over the past two days. I won't be anymore. I'll just trust it's all going to come to pass in due time and that I need to just do my best in my current capacity. That's what patience is. And that comes from knowing that the Lord is truly watching over me and taking me forward each step at a time. It comes from trust in the plan; it's a practice of beliefs.

So, alright. I can do that. I can dig it. I'll let you all know when the code is cracked and the doors swing open and Nicolas Cage (me) can steal the Declaration of Independence (start my mission papers).